Sunday, April 3
the fool.
i want to tell you a story. its about a boy and girl and L-O-V-E
***now before you start thinking that this is going to be about a boy who I think is a fool, keep reading.
this girl has been hurt before so opening up to someone scared the crap out of her, she couldn't imagine letting a guy into the deepest parts of her heart and letting him see the real her but it was his blue eyes, love for Jesus, and way of making her laugh that did it. she fell for him thinking that he was a safe place to fall into. they talked about everything from vacuuming to reading to dutch ovens. he said he wanted to marry her and she could totally see him in her every tomorrow. her parents were totally for the relationship and he told all his closest family and friends about this girl that God had brought into his life... things were great and even though they didn't know exactly were they were headed, they knew it was somewhere with each other and that was enough.
then pretty much out of nowhere he avoided her for almost 2 days... then just told her that he rushed into things, that there were red flags along the way that they both ignored, and that this couldn't continue... she was shocked to say the least. he knew about the guys who had let her down in the past and still that's exactly what he was doing. rather than being the only exception he was exactly like them. the integrity and character that she had so admired was nothing but a mask he could put on when he needed it and take off when he was done. in one simple phone call their whole life together crumbled, it was no longer "us" or "we" it was just her and her heart.
she feels so dumb... i feel so dumb. how could i let this happen again?! didn't i learn my lesson? hadn't i gotten better at spotting liars? i guess not. but as hard as it is i know God has a plan and a purpose for all of it and even though i really thought this was it and that i was looking into the eyes of the man i would grow old it will be better in the long run. i just have to believe that. i actually don't hold this against him. i should i ran right when i saw him coming, i was the fool.
***now before you start thinking that this is going to be about a boy who I think is a fool, keep reading.
this girl has been hurt before so opening up to someone scared the crap out of her, she couldn't imagine letting a guy into the deepest parts of her heart and letting him see the real her but it was his blue eyes, love for Jesus, and way of making her laugh that did it. she fell for him thinking that he was a safe place to fall into. they talked about everything from vacuuming to reading to dutch ovens. he said he wanted to marry her and she could totally see him in her every tomorrow. her parents were totally for the relationship and he told all his closest family and friends about this girl that God had brought into his life... things were great and even though they didn't know exactly were they were headed, they knew it was somewhere with each other and that was enough.
then pretty much out of nowhere he avoided her for almost 2 days... then just told her that he rushed into things, that there were red flags along the way that they both ignored, and that this couldn't continue... she was shocked to say the least. he knew about the guys who had let her down in the past and still that's exactly what he was doing. rather than being the only exception he was exactly like them. the integrity and character that she had so admired was nothing but a mask he could put on when he needed it and take off when he was done. in one simple phone call their whole life together crumbled, it was no longer "us" or "we" it was just her and her heart.
she feels so dumb... i feel so dumb. how could i let this happen again?! didn't i learn my lesson? hadn't i gotten better at spotting liars? i guess not. but as hard as it is i know God has a plan and a purpose for all of it and even though i really thought this was it and that i was looking into the eyes of the man i would grow old it will be better in the long run. i just have to believe that. i actually don't hold this against him. i should i ran right when i saw him coming, i was the fool.
Monday, February 14
the vision.
Last week in my leadership class, the assignment was to write our vision for our lives in the next five years. I broke out into cold sweats because lets be real, I don't even know what I'm doing for Spring break! Here's what I wrote...
To be honest this assignment has been haunting me since it was assigned. It's not the writing of it that has been freaking me out, it's the content. I barely have the rest of the semester planned, let alone the next five years. But then I was driving home one night and Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten came on and it says all that I feel about this and spurred me on to write.
To be honest this assignment has been haunting me since it was assigned. It's not the writing of it that has been freaking me out, it's the content. I barely have the rest of the semester planned, let alone the next five years. But then I was driving home one night and Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten came on and it says all that I feel about this and spurred me on to write.
"I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”
One of my core values is family. The easiest part of my vision for five years when I’m 26 is that I will be married. We will be living in our own home and either have a child or getting ready to start a family. I’ve always wanted to get married young and just enjoy my husband for a while before we have kids. My problem with writing my vision is that as far a career goes I have two paths, total division. On one hand I could follow what I have been going to school the last four years for and just get a job at a local news station and work my way up to anchor. That would be cool, but that’s not the dream that keeps me up at night. The thing that has invaded my dreams and is on my mind all day is Blush.
Here is the picture/map of Blush... My best friend, Kathleen and I have been planning out this restaurant for almost a year now and since she has moved to San Diego she has met another girl, Savannah, who is totally on board. We are all very involved in non-profits, have hearts for injustice all over the world, and love food so we came up with an idea that could combine all three. It would be a cute boutique restaurant with delish food and even better desserts. We were also thinking about what every coffee shop is missing: enough electrical outlets and comfy chairs. Blush would have both with and abundance of outlets and a look like Anthropology so the chairs and decorations would be amazing. The best part of Blush is that after you order your food you would be handed a menu of nonprofits that 20% of the proceeds from your meal would go to, how cool is that? Our thinking behind this is that deep down everyone wants to help but some problems are so big people don’t know where to start so since you are going to be eating anyway, might as well be generous at the same time. Different organizations would be spotlighted every month. We would also love to have a little store in the restaurant that only sold stuff made by local artist as well as green items so that we reduce our carbon footprint.
One of the coolest things about this dream is that NBC has a new show coming out in March called “America’s Next Great Restaurant” where big wigs like Bobby Flay and the owner of Chipotle hear peoples ideas for the next great restaurant and if they like them not only will they financially back the project but they will serve as a mentor so on April 5, we are going to Los Angeles to audition.
What scares me the most about this vision is that I have absolutely no experience; I have a journalism degree for pete’s sake, but I feel like it is what I am supposed to do. That is the challenge in this whole thing but I totally think it is worth it. I have spoken to my family, friends, and even strangers about this and when I tell them they are totally supportive but if you really listen to them, there is doubt in their eyes, that freaks me out and energizes me at the same time.
Thursday, February 10
the question.
"How does it feel to be hit on everyday?"
Yeah. Someone really asked me that last week. I know he was talking about how he hits on me all the time but it really does happen quite a lot and yet I'm still single (try and read that without thinking that I'm a stuck up jerk because I meant it more like a statement than a brag) Then throw in the fact that its valentines day and you've really got me thinking.
I've actually had the best valentines day... This morning at Fox5 I got the phone number of an underwear model, was super productive at work, had an amazing dinner with my family, got a word search and suduko book, and am going to watch my favorite guys, Lambda Chi, play basketball. I would have been down to have a great date and a card that was more mushy then the one's from my parents but I'm content where I am.
But I would like to understand the dry spell like do I put off the "I don't need anyone vibe" or the "get away from me, you're grossing me out vibe" or is it the "I like girls vibe?" Because I know my hair is really short, but geez! I went to a small group last week to meet this guy that my parents are crazy about for me and nothing, like I'll be amazed if he remembers my name tomorrow night.
As much as I wanna wallow, I'm too blessed to be stressed. Exciting things are happening in my life and I love it. Forget boys, I just wanna dance!
(can you say ADD? this blog is all over the place! hopefully you followed and maybe enjoyed it a little bit)
Yeah. Someone really asked me that last week. I know he was talking about how he hits on me all the time but it really does happen quite a lot and yet I'm still single (try and read that without thinking that I'm a stuck up jerk because I meant it more like a statement than a brag) Then throw in the fact that its valentines day and you've really got me thinking.
I've actually had the best valentines day... This morning at Fox5 I got the phone number of an underwear model, was super productive at work, had an amazing dinner with my family, got a word search and suduko book, and am going to watch my favorite guys, Lambda Chi, play basketball. I would have been down to have a great date and a card that was more mushy then the one's from my parents but I'm content where I am.
But I would like to understand the dry spell like do I put off the "I don't need anyone vibe" or the "get away from me, you're grossing me out vibe" or is it the "I like girls vibe?" Because I know my hair is really short, but geez! I went to a small group last week to meet this guy that my parents are crazy about for me and nothing, like I'll be amazed if he remembers my name tomorrow night.
As much as I wanna wallow, I'm too blessed to be stressed. Exciting things are happening in my life and I love it. Forget boys, I just wanna dance!
(can you say ADD? this blog is all over the place! hopefully you followed and maybe enjoyed it a little bit)
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